Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
