now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
