Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
