The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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