toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So much rum. So many feels.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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