he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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