Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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