I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
