we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
