I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
