i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
