i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
