I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He shit in the fireplace
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
