The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
