i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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