I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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