The maid of honor just puked.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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