i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there is glitter all over my balls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
