Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
