Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
