Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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