Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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