Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got her a Nickelback box set.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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