Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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