You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
