The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
