the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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