i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
