It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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