Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am puke
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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