He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
