you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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