I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
