He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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