Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
