I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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