She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
