I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
