Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
