we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
