I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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