Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i've created a new STD.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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