toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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