3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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