I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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