I could have mohawked her pubes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
