The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
