So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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