Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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