It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
