Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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