There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
