So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
