Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
