That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
did i walk over a car last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
