Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
