very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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