last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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