everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
