My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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