he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
These tits shall not be calmed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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