you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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