and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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