apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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