they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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