So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
