Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
