Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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