3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
