Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
