im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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