According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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