Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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