Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
