when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
