Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
