No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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