I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
