I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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