So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize